Summary: Ryu is on the hunt for proof of ghosts being real and his friend Jonathan is along for the ride, even if the man is a skeptic worse than anyone else he had ever met. (Even if they both knew which ghost it was that Ryu was chasing after.)
Inspiration: Creative Writing Class
Date: 10/24/2018
Word Count: 4,861
“Oh my god.” Looking up from where he had been trying to figure out why his camera was giving him such shaky photos, Ryu grinned when he saw Jonathan staring up at him with wide eyes that showed terror and horror in equal amounts. Ryu found it hilarious.
“Just Ryu, thanks!” It was hard to hold in his laughter when Jonathan garbled something out that sounded like a few more ‘oh my gods,’ along with a few swears crammed between the words. “You know, for insisting you’re ‘never scared,’ you’re looking pretty terrified right now, buddy.”
“Yeah, well, you know, finals, parents asking when I’ll come home to visit, not enough sleep as usual, and my best fucking friend just so happens to be dangling off a roof twenty feet in the air!”
“Is it twenty feet?” Ryu looked down from where he was sitting on the edge of their dorm roof. The way their college did dorm buildings was ridiculously stupid, and Ryu was certain they were going for some Asian fusion look. He could proudly say, as half Japanese, that it just looked stupid. “Seems more like ten.”
“Who cares?! Get down from there!” Jonathan shouted, Ryu thinking about how nice it was to see Jonathan running around scared for once. That was usually Ryu’s job as Jonathan was the type to always be calm and unflappable and, in Ryu’s favorite way to describe him, six feet of pure annoyance.
The universe getting its dues, Ryu thought, also deciding that he was all too happy to be a vessel for the universe’s retribution.
“Ryu!”
“Yeah, yeah, just a second.” Twisting around and almost falling off, and inspiring Jonathan to create a few new swears that Ryu found rather impressive, he finally found his notebook and tossed it down to him. “I found us a new place to check out.”
“A new place? What?” Jonathan’s gangly arms missed the notebook by a mile, but Ryu was very careful not to laugh at his struggles as laughing would be rude and would make him seem like a bad friend. “Would you stop laughing?! Not all of us can be four feet of pure athletic aggression!”
“Hey! I’m five foot seven and three quarters and that is an average height!” Ryu shouted down, sliding his way more towards the edge. “Not all of us can be related to fucking Sasquatch!”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m directly descended from Bigfoot.” Jonathan’s bitter little mutters trailed off as he retrieved the notebook and started reading from it, Ryu trying to hide the frown at seeing the bruised circles under Jonathan’s eyes that spoke of sleepless nights. Jonathan didn’t seem to notice Ryu’s staring, only shaking his head as he spoke up, “Ryu. You’re insane. You know that, right? Tell me that you know that you’re insane.”
“What’s that? You think I’m amazingly intelligent and the next Einstein of my generation? Aw, you’re so sweet, Jonny.” Ryu smirked at the glare he was given and almost laughed. He had never found Jonathan’s glares very terrifying. They were rather soft (like a puppy dog). “Come on, this is the best haunted location yet! Multiple reports of haunted activity, people seeing full-bodied apparitions, and even EVP recordings!”
“Right. I’m so excited. We get to spend our Saturday night exploring a condemned old house where people lie about seeing and hearing things because they’re high.”
“There’s no need to be such a bitter skeptic.”
“Just as there’s no need to be a gullible believer, right?”
“Aren’t you glad we’re both such reasonable people?” With that, Ryu was tucking his camera back around his neck and jumping off the roof he was sitting on. He found it hilarious to see Jonathan go pale as a sheet – which was impressive, as Jonathan was about as white as a white person could get.
“Are you insane?!” Standing up and lightly stretching to get rid of the tension from where he had caught himself, Ryu watched as Jonathan fluttered around him like a distressed mama bird who had just seen her chick leave the nest. “You’re going to get yourself killed one day.”
Ryu pretended to not notice when Jonathan’s voice cracked on the word ‘killed,’ his expression closing off after the briefest flash of guilt. Ryu was used to ignoring a lot of things, at this point, though.
“I’m not going to get myself killed.” Ryu patted at Jonathan’s chest, finally stopping his worried little movements. “I have you with me.”
“Lucky me.” Jonathan shifted his shoulders as if he was carrying the weight of the world before he managed a crooked smile. “How far?”
“Let’s just say we have a lot of driving ahead of us,” Ryu laughed, running around to place his hands against Jonathan’s back and push him along. “C’mon, we got to get going if we’re going to hike over to F lot where you park.”
“You know, you could always- You could always let me know ahead of time.” Jonathan kept his gaze away from him and Ryu knew without a doubt what Jonathan had been planning to say. ‘You could always drive.’
Ryu’s thoughts swirled around in his head as they walked (the two of them still weren’t normal, Ryu was too careful, Jonathan was too angry, and it would never be the same). He knew if Kora was here, then she would be laughing at how stupid they were being. Of course, if Kora were there, they wouldn’t be acting like this to begin with.
His sister was the reason he and Jonathan were friends to begin with! They had been ready to tear each other apart before she had strolled into the room, taken one look at Jonathan, and declared him their new best friend. Ryu was starting to think that Kora had been the only reason that Jonathan had stuck around
“Come on, then. Time to jump at nothing.”
“Right. Nothing.” Ryu felt like it was going to be a long night.
—
“You really know how to pick ‘em, Ryu,” Jonathan said, dry amusement in his words that did little to put Ryu at ease. The house in front of them looked close to ancient, an unsteady thing made of rotted wood and crumbling brick. Ivy had taken over the entire right side of the house and whatever windows there were held no glass. Ryu had thought they would need to sneak in with how popular a haunted location it was, but there were no gates holding back the crumbled lawn from the sidewalk, and the door was hanging off its hinges in a scene that reminded Ryu of something taken from a horror movie. “Do you think we’ll end up as part of a horror movie?”
“Shut up, Jonathan.” Ryu swallowed and shut the car door as quietly as he could, jumping when Jonathan shut his own hard enough to send an echoing noise drifting across the neighborhood. “Why?”
“Giving the ghosts fair warning,” Jonathan laughed, the sound more aggressive than amused. Ryu’s thoughts must have shown on his face since Jonathan’s entire posture seemed to slump and his smile turned as tired as his eyes. “C’mon, buddy, let’s check this place out so you can jump at thin air.”
“You know, you don’t have to come in with me if you don’t believe in all of this stuff.” Ryu looked down to fiddle with his old polaroid camera, fingers slightly shaking. Kora had given him his camera years ago when he first showed an interest in photography. He was still hoping that there would be some wise words etched into it somewhere that would put him at peace (there wasn’t).
A hand settled over his own shaking one, Jonathan’s voice much softer. “You believe it, though.”
Yeah. Ryu’s thoughts bounced around in a space that was far too empty. That’s the problem.
“Let’s go get your proof, Casper.” Jonathan let Ryu’s hand go and he ambled up to the house as if it didn’t look like the set of a horror movie. Ryu cautiously followed him and gripped his camera tight. “Careful of the stairs in this house, the wood looks rotted through.”
“Got it,” Ryu called back, watching Jonathan disappear into the house. From where he was standing, Ryu thought it rather looked like the darkness swallowing someone up. “You’re fine. You’re going to find some proof, prove to everyone that ghosts are real, and then…”
And then what? It was the thought he did his best not to think about, and Ryu quickly climbed up the steps and went inside. He immediately regretted it once he was inside. The house was bad from the outside, but the inside made Ryu feel like he was the extra in the horror movie that died first. I’ve become a stupid white person and I’m going to die, now.
The creaking of an unknown step and a shambling figure with gasping breath had Ryu screaming and jumping backwards quick enough that he almost tumbled over himself. His heart was racing out of his chest, his eyes were bulged wide, and his body felt like it wanted to come apart at the seams. Instead of a horrible demon or zombie, though, Ryu was only looking at a laughing Jonathan.
“You’re- You should have seen your face!” Jonathan had his body half curled in on itself and his face was screwed up in laughter. A layer of dust coated the top of brownish blondish hair and that stupid messenger bag of his was being clutched onto even now. Ryu found himself snapping a picture even as he tried to slow his heartbeat. He couldn’t bring himself to be too upset at the scare when his camera shot out a picture of Jonathan in mid-laugh, brighter and happier than Ryu had seen in months. It was nice to have evidence that they could still be happy. Used to, it had been Kora’s job to keep them smiling and laughing.
Kora had managed to find a way to make Ryu laugh even when he was curled up and wondering why he bothered with life some days, while with Jonathan she had always managed to get him to break out into wild laughter with just a few words. Now that she was gone, it felt like it was up to Ryu to keep her act up and he… couldn’t do that.
Jonathan laughed, and everything felt like it should have been (it wasn’t), and Ryu could almost imagine that his sister was right behind him and making funny faces (she wasn’t). The feeling was overwhelming enough that Ryu felt himself ready to spill out every feeling and word he had been keeping trapped inside him since he and Kora…
“Jon, I…” The laughter trailed off into silence and Ryu sucked in a deep breath before the entire house shook as if a thunderstorm had taken up presence in the attic. Ryu found himself lurching at Jonathan and clutching at his jacket, the shaking of the house feeling like it lasted hours before it settled down.
“Oh, wow, that was a pretty good earthquake,” Jonathan said, his words preceding a low whistle that echoed around the house.
“Dude. That was not- That was clearly something upstairs!” A house didn’t just shake like that, after all, Ryu reasoned. It had to be something upstairs!
“Ryu. We live in California,” Jonathan chuckled, looking down at Ryu before raising his eyebrows. “Wow, Ry, didn’t know you were that scared.”
“What?” Following the gaze, Ryu stared at where he was still holding onto Jonathan’s jacket. A quick second passed, and Ryu roughly pushed him away. “Shut up.”
“It’s okay, Ry, I know I’m a catch.” Jonathan was near cackling, Ryu muttering swears under his breath as he stomped deeper into the house, pausing at a set of stairs. “C’mon, Ryu, let’s just go, already. It’s a long drive back and I’m starving.”
“We can’t just leave. We haven’t even looked upstairs yet!” Ryu was terrified out of his mind, yes, but he still needed to find proof of the afterlife.
“You want to go upstairs where we heard that loud ass bang-”
“So you admit it came from upstairs!” Ha! Victory was sweet, Ryu decided. “C’mon, it’s fine. Ghosts- They aren’t violent. They don’t want to really hurt anyone. Look, I’ll go up myself and check it out, and I’ll be back in ten or fifteen minutes.”
“Would you even last that long?” Jonathan had on a very mocking expression, and Ryu decided that ignoring him was the best bet. He could go up those old, rickety looking stairs alone. It didn’t matter if it felt colder the further away from Jonathan he got. He was fine. “God fucking- You’re so fucking reckless!”
“You’re so reckless, Ryu! Slow down, okay? We’ll get home in time as long as you drive like the adult you claim to be.”
“Seriously, Ryu, slow down. You’re going too fast.”
“Ryu, stop fucking around.”
“Ryu!”
Words dried up in his throat and tangled with the phantom scream he had given that day a year ago as thoughts swarmed him, Ryu unable to speak. He knew Jonathan hadn’t meant to remind him of that day, but he still did. It was enough to make him hate himself (stupid). He needed to focus and here he was stuck on memories (he was fine).
“Ry.” Pausing at the soft word, Ryu let himself look back from where he already had one foot on a stair, camera clutched tightly in his hands. “Be careful, okay? I told you when we came in that I don’t like the looks of any of these stairs.”
“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.” Ryu managed a weak smile, Jonathan returning it with one that was just as weak. He could handle fifteen minutes on his own. He had handled an entire year without his twin sister by his side, after all. He was fine (no, he wasn’t).
Carefully climbing up the stairs, Ryu swallowed around a dry mouth when he felt the floor almost give way wherever he stepped. The house had a long past of being haunted with murders and deaths taking place inside its walls, but he hadn’t really put thought into just how old it was. It was easily over ninety years old, it hadn’t been lived in for twenty, and it had never seen a hammer in its life. It really showed as he crept his way through the halls and peeked into rooms.
“I hope you know I started a timer!” Jumping and swearing at the sudden yell, Ryu clutched his chest as he tried to slow his rapid heart rate. “I heard that! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself, Jonathan!” Ryu felt a smile work its way onto his face before it dropped as he thought about Kora’s missing laughter. She should be here with them, right now (and it was his fault she wasn’t). “Right. Okay, Ryu. You’re fine. You’re totally fine.”
Working his way to the end of the hallway, Ryu forgot about the time completely as he snapped pictures and studied the house itself. It really was an amazing house once he got past the horror movie aesthetics, and Ryu had no doubt that it was beautiful in its prime. There was something amazing about seeing it rusted and decaying and falling to pieces and still holding together, though.
He worked his way through until there was only one bedroom left at the end of the hall, Jonathan’s faint call of ‘ten minutes left’ echoing up to him. His words sounded further away than ever, but Ryu knew that it was his panic at being alone that was making him think that. At least, he hoped it was (she was no doubt enjoying his worry over nothing).
“Okay. Focus. Last room.” Edging his way around what looked like a possible hole in the floorboards, Ryu gently pushed the door open and startled at the loud creaking that filled the entire upstairs as the door swung open. “Aha, nope, no, that- No. That is a room full of nightmares. Just walk away, Ryu, walk away.” He didn’t walk away.
Right, note to self. Commit myself to a mental asylum, Ryu thought, trying to think loud enough to drown out his fear. The only thing that he was really noticing, so far, was that he was clutching his camera tightly enough to turn his fingers white. Ha, maybe that’s why white people make stupid mistakes in horror movies. All the fear’s been squeezed out of them.
“It’s been almost ten minutes, you know!” Ignoring the call, Ryu lined up his camera for a few shots as he calmed himself down. He was forever thankful that his hands at least knew to stop shaking when he was taking a picture. He heard Jonathan shouting up at him again, but he ignored it in favor of frowning at how much furniture there was. It was weird, considering the rest of the house was near barren or had furniture that was broken beyond hope. This room almost looked like it could be lived in if not for the layers and layers of dust on everything.
Circling the room with his camera, Ryu paused and peeked out from behind it at seeing a picture on the wall. Creeping towards it, Ryu tugged his sleeve down and used it to swipe through the dust, a few coughs escaping before he managed to focus on the picture.
It looked to be a picture of crimson red flowers against a pristine snowy backdrop. Ryu would have been amazed that this was the only thing white or bright he had seen in the entire house, but instead his thoughts were rocketed towards that night that he was trying so hard not to think about.
“Kora? Fuck, hey, Kora, are you alright? Fuckin’ car came out of nowhere- Kora, fucking answer me already!” Silence. Silence silence silence there had been nothing but silence and pain and not even the memory of the roar of the crash could drown out the silence and it hurt so badly everything hurt and he remembered crying and crawling and breaking through and gasping for breath and wet sinking into his clothes from blood and snow and it was so cold and he was so cold and she wasn’t saying anything why wasn’t she saying anything and please please no not his sister not his twin not his best friend please no and Kora please
“Ryu!” Jerked out of his spiraling memories, Ryu vaguely recognized he had been running away from the room when he was hit with realization that the stair his foot was on was breaking underneath him. Still half stuck and lost in his memories of crashed cars and bloodied snow, Ryu fell down the rest of the stairs with equal parts swearing and cursing, landing at the bottom of the stairs with a loud thudding noise that had him trying to figure out if he had cracked his skull. “Ryu!”
Cracking his eyes open (when had he closed them?), Ryu groaned and looked up to see Jonathan looked close to hyperventilating. “You look like you saw a ghost,” Ryu muttered, a little proud of his comedic timing even as his body ached.
“You fucking absolute moron.” Jonathan wasn’t laughing and each word he said sounded as if it had been ripped out of him. “You absolute fucking moron.”
“Yeah, no need to sugarcoat it.” Ryu pushed himself up, biting the inside of his cheek sharply at the wave of pain. Nothing felt broken, at least, but he was a bit worried at how his entire body felt like a giant bruise. Jonathan didn’t look happy, either. “Look, it’s really not that bad-”
“What the hell were you running from?! I told you to be fucking careful! You could have snapped your neck if you weren’t so fucking lucky!” Swallowing the lump that rose up in his throat, Ryu slowly pulled himself up to at least be sitting on his knees. The fact Jonathan wasn’t even trying to help him told him just how angry the other was.
“I… thought I saw something.” He knew he hadn’t, but for a moment the memories had been so strong. He thought he was going to drown in them (like he should have drowned in blood and died instead of her that night).
“Fucking- Ghosts aren’t real!” It was something Jonathan had said over and over and over, but the way it was screamed down at Ryu as if he was a child that wasn’t understanding was what really made him realize how serious Jonathan was. “You’re just- You just wish they were real, so she would come back! You want them to be real, so that way you can pretend she’s still here!”
“No, Jonathan-” Ryu cut himself off. What could he even say to that? As much as he wanted to deny it, a part of it had always been about her.
“She’s dead, Ryu. She’s dead, and gone, and buried, and she’s never coming back!” Jonathan’s words rang out across the empty house, cracking and wavering as he shook. Ryu couldn’t tell if he was devastated or angry anymore. “She’s dead and she’s never going to come back.”
Ryu stared up at Jonathan, the two of them quiet and still as they sat in the house (the empty house). Ryu knew himself well enough to know that he had already cried out all his tears at the funeral, but he still felt the itch behind his eyes. His body felt like it was being held together by tape as he stood and silently made his way to the door.
Jonathan didn’t stop him, and Ryu didn’t bother to look back. He ignored his pain, the fact his camera was no longer around his neck, and the certainty that he was covered in dust and bruises. He just kept walking to where he had known he was going to go as soon as he had seen that picture.
—
“You know, it’s kind of funny.” Ryu’s voice was soft and quiet, and he knew that no one except the one in front of him would hear anything. “I’m always so afraid of everything, but I’m not afraid of this place. Stupid, isn’t it? I jump at thin air, but I couldn’t care less about being in a cemetery at night.”
It had taken hours of traveling through bus after bus, but Ryu finally sat in front of his twin sister’s grave. The headstone was big and grey and polished to a bright sheen. Ryu knew that Kora probably hated it with everything in her. Ryu buried his fingers in the dirt, pretending he could feel warmth in the ground. It would be nice to think she was somewhere warm.
Maybe she’s in hell torturing sinners, Ryu thought wildly. She’d have fun with that, no doubt.
“Jonny was right, you know.” The ground was so cold it hurt. “It’s been a year and I’m still such a wreck without you.” Ryu felt something within him crumble as he jerked his fingers out of the ground and curled up, arms wrapped tight around himself as he hid his face. It felt like if he could hold onto himself tightly enough, it would hold him together. “It should have been me who died, Kora, not you.”
“Well, that’s silly. If that were the case, then I’d be practicing necromancy instead of running around abandoned houses.” The words were light and airy, but the voice was exhausted. Ryu knew who it was. He would have known even if he was deaf and blind. Jonathan was always the one to come after him when he ran.
Ryu wasn’t sure how long they were quiet for until he spoke, but he could hear his voice in the detached sort of way he had heard it at the funeral. It sounded like he wished he and Kora could trade places. “Did you know that cemeteries are the safest places from the ‘supernatural?’” Silence greeted him, and Ryu kept talking, unable to help himself. “They’re hallowed ground. They’re protected. The gates are made of iron, too, and they keep everything bad out. It’s a place of resting – of peaceful resting.”
Ryu brought his hand up to place it against the headstone, a humorless laugh jerked out of him. “No ghosts.” He was viciously pleased at the fingerprints he left behind. The stone was too cold, and his hand was too warm, and it wasn’t right for Kora to be cold. “I keep thinking she’ll be there when I turn around. I keep thinking I’ll be able to hug her and apologize and beg for her to come back, but… Ghosts aren’t real, right?”
A sharp jerk around his waist had Ryu startling before he realized that Jonathan had sat down behind him and was pulling him into his arms and holding on as tightly as possible. It should have felt restrictive. It should have felt like that day in the snow. He should have tried to escape or kick up a fuss. Ryu wasn’t surprised, though, when he collapsed back into Jonathan and felt his eyes start to burn and itch again. They weren’t the most physical when it came to who they were, but this was a long time in coming, and Kora was no longer here to hug him and hold him together.
The arms around him tightened, and Ryu knew it was a hug meant to keep him from shaking himself apart. There wasn’t an apology spoken, but Ryu could feel it in every inch Jonathan had. He felt Jonathan take a deep breath before he shivered at feeling lips pressed against his skin.
“I miss her too, Ry.” Jonathan’s words were quiet, and the hug grew tighter. It made Ryu remember how he was always the one to push away from the physical touches between the two, Jonathan the one to initiate everything. “I miss her like I miss you.”
Ryu was silent, but Jonathan just kept talking, “You changed the moment she left, Ry. You’re more scared than ever, but you never show it or tell anyone. You never hang out with me or any of our friends, you’ve been skipping classes and barely passing, and now you’re obsessed with ghosts… When’s the last time you even let anyone hug you?”
“You really want the answer to that?” The last hug he had was where Jonathan had hugged him before he and Kora had left the party they had been at. It seemed kind of fitting (stupidly so) that his first hug after so long was from him, too.
“I don’t think she’d want you running around and chasing ghosts of her, Ry.” No, she probably wouldn’t.
“Maybe,” Ryu whispered, thoughts tangled and tripping over one another. He knew it was wrong, what he was doing, but chasing ‘ghosts’ was the only thing keeping him sane, right now. He had a feeling Jonathan knew that, too.
“Maybe,” Jonathan huffed, pressing closer. “What the fuck do you mean maybe? I’m always right.” He couldn’t manage a laugh, but Ryu did manage a bit of a smile. It only grew when he felt Jonathan shift around before pressing his camera into his hands.
Ryu wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but eventually they ended up tucked against Kora’s gravestone and watching the horizon. Sunrise wasn’t quite there, yet, but that was okay. Ryu was used to functioning in the half life that dawn and dusk provided. He was good at that, and he knew he’d have to be good at that for a little while longer. Really, Ryu knew with everything in him that Kora, in some shape or form, was the one leaning against their backs instead of her tombstone and was watching the foggy dawn with them.
Hands tightening on his camera, Ryu carefully lined up the viewfinder with the distant hills that were still coated in a soft, blue light before speaking, “There’s this abandoned warehouse an hour’s drive from campus. It’s supposed to have a pretty bad past.”
Ryu couldn’t say he was sorry. He couldn’t explain that this was the only way to deal with his guilt of the crash that was his fault, or that running away was the only way to keep breathing. He couldn’t even tell Jonathan that he was right about ghosts not being real, but that was okay.
“Of course it is. Let me guess, it’s down by the docks?” Jonathan rolled his eyes and grumbled and complained, arm wrapping around Ryu’s waist and holding him close. Ryu tensed up before he slowly (so, so, so slowly) relaxed against him as he took a single shot of the darkened sky with strips of light just beginning to show. Ryu couldn’t tell Jonathan the truth, yet (not any of it), but that was okay. That was okay. He and Jonathan seemed to be good at working together, after all.